Self Confidence: Learning to Have Faith and Trust in Yourself

By Rhonda Smith

Do you have faith and trust in yourself? Confidence is trust or faith that a person or thing is capable. Self-confidence is having confidence in oneself. Therefore if you have faith and trust in yourself you have confidence. I am astonished at how many women I meet who struggle with self-confidence. There are many factors that can lead to a lack of confidence such as gender, birth order, and parent’s attitudes.

Did you know that boys are called on to answers teacher’s questions more often than girls? Do you know why? More boys raise their hands than girls. So naturally when the teacher sees 10 boys with hands up and only 2 girls, the teacher will pick a boy. Boys raise their hands even when they don’t know the answer. Girls raise their hands only when they know the answer and sometimes not even then.

First born children are usually more confident, particularly if they are male. Parents pay lots of attention to everything a first-born does, therefore creating more confidence.

If one or both of your parents were excessively critical, demanding or overprotective you may not have developed self-confidence.

So what if you are a woman, who was not the first born, with parents who were overly critical or protective? What if don’t have faith and trust in yourself? How can you build your confidence?
First recognize what self-confidence looks like. When you are self-confident you will:

Do what you believe is right, even if others mock or criticize you.

Be willing to take risks and go the extra mile to achieve better things.

Admit your mistakes and vow to learn from them.

Accept compliments graciously.

If you lack confidence you may:

Base your behavior on what other people think.

Stay in your comfort zone because you fear failure.

Cover up mistakes.

Dismiss compliments.

To build your confidence you must understand that it is like a muscle. There is no quick fix. Confidence must be warmed up, worked out, and stretched on a consistent basis to reach maximum potential and peak performance. Here are some steps to get you started:

Mentally prepare. Take stock of where you are, where you want to go, and commit yourself to starting it and staying with it. Look at what you have already achieved by writing out your 5 greatest accomplishments or finest moments. You may want to post this somewhere you can see it often. Give yourself credit for everything you try. By applauding yourself for trying you will build confidence. Approach new experiences as opportunities to learn regardless of the outcome. Listen to your self talk. Eliminate negative self-talk. If you have self-doubts, write them down and challenge them with rational solutions. Build your knowledge and/or skills by taking a class or course. Go get the degree or certificate that will prove your abilities to the world and yourself. Understand that you will make mistakes and you will not be perfect. Perfection is the antagonist of confidence. Set small goals (as steps to your bigger goals) and when you achieve them celebrate! Continue to stretch yourself by setting bigger goals. Hire a coach if you can’t do it on your own! Self-confidence is about balance. You know that negative outcomes are possible, but rather than exaggerating or minimizing it, you give it the due attention necessary (what can I do if this happens ...). So perhaps a better definition of confidence is the state of balanced perceptions and preparation.

And what will be the result of this new found confidence? Those around you will notice your confidence and you will inspire confidence in others. Perhaps Jack Welch said it best, "Confidence gives you courage and extends your reach. It lets you take greater risks and achieve far more than you ever thought possible!"

Rhonda H. Smith is a Professional Business and Life Coach. She works with women and small businesses to move beyond "Stuck" by nurturing and inspiring them to new paths of self-discovery, awareness and greatness. For more information please visit www.RhondaHSmith.com or www.CoachRhonda.com

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Seven Powerful Steps to Increase Self-Confidence

By Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD

We come into this world with total self-confidence/self-esteem. An infant has self-confidence/self-esteem that their cries will get them what they need--food, diaper change, cuddling, communication, soothing, etc. If the child's needs are readily met and the child senses they are accepted unconditionally they flourish. If their basic needs for survival and emotional sustanence are only met sporadically or poorly their sense of self-confidence/self-esteem begins to deteriorate. If the child continues to experience depravation they begin to view themselves as not being good enough to be cared for or cared about. Their birth-right to self-confidence/self-esteem has been compromised. Thus, as an adult those who have experience any form of depravation, they need to re-establish what is their birth-right: Self-confidence/Self-esteem.

1.) Ask yourself, "What would be the worst outcome?" We tend to place excess importance on potential problems-a.k.a.-Worrying ahead syndrome. We have an infinite amount of energy so let's apply it to creating extraordinary relationships, advancing our careers and meeting our goals INSTEAD of wasting that energy worrying. Take action on what you have control over and minimize risks for what you don't. Then invest your energy wisely.

2.) Disengage the nagging, negative internal critical voice. That negative internal critical voice can keep anyone stuck. To disengage the internal voice, imagine a volume control and lower the volume. Or simply change the internal voice to the Disney Channel. Do you think you could take Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck seriously if they were criticizing you? The point is to disengage the critical voice by altering the way it nags at you. If you hear your own voice or a critical parent voice nagging you, it will paralyze you. If you hear a funny voice, you laugh and maybe hear the irony of your negative internal critic and continue onward.

3.) When doing something for the first time, imagine that you have already done it. Close your eyes, then, vividly imagine you succeeding at what you are planning to do for the first time. The mind does NOT know the difference between something VIVIDLY imagined and something real. Make it vivid by involving all 5 senses.

4.) Find someone who is already confident in the area of expertise you need and watch how they do it. Model as many of their behaviors, attitudes, values, and beliefs for the context you want to be confident in. How can you do this? Talk with them if you have access to them. If you don't have access to them, get as much exposure to them as you can. This could be talking to people who know the person and/or buying their products if they have some.

5.) Act "As-if." Act as-if you already have the habit/behavior you desire. If you were confident, "How would you be feeling? What would you be doing? How would you be speaking? What would you be thinking? What would you tell yourself-self-talk?" By asking yourself these questions, you compel yourself to answer them by going into a confident state. You will then be acting "As-if" you are confident. As you continue to act "As-If" you will notice you are acting less and less as your behavior becomes a habit. Within 30 to 45 days you'll develop it into a natural habit/behavior.

6.) Project yourself into the future and ask if what you're faced with is as onerous as you fear. This might be a bit morbid and yet this works tremendously well. Imagine yourself on your deathbed looking back over your life. You are surrounded by your friends and family. You're reviewing your life. Is what you're faced with now even going to pop up? That's highly unlikely. Keeping things in proper perspective really diminishes fear.

7.) Remember that you lose out on 100% of the opportunities that you never go for. Nothing ventured-Nothing gained. To get what you want, ask for it. If you consistently ask people for what you want, you will get it. As you think about your goals and what you are striving for, how effective would it be for you to believe that several people out there want to and would be willing to help you if you only ask? People will help because they know they might need help in the future and you might be a source. Whether that is true or not in the "real world" is irrelevant. The belief is empowering, I invite you to adopt it.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD as an inspirational leader empowers people to see life's issues as an opportunity for personal and spiritual growth. Author, If I'd Only Known...Sexual Abuse in or out of the Family: A Guide to Prevention, she is noted for her pioneering work in verbal, physical, sexual abuse prevention and recovery. http://www.gen-assist.com/book.asp

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An Easy And Effective Way To Improve Your Confidence

By Hani Al-qasem

Many of us generally feel great, relieved and grateful when we leave the past behind, where we gladly and happily approach and enter a new year. We tend to look at the beginning of a new year as a new era, as an opportunity for us to recoup and regenerate, an opportunity for us to re-evaluate our lives and where we are now. We sit back and analyze where we went wrong and remembering with happiness where we went right.

Then, when we are set and done, we sit up straight, we stick our chest out and we start the yearly ritual of pondering what we can do to improve this year on the last.

Armed with a pen and pad, we start to think anew. Think ahead, and, if we're confident and courageous enough, we'd even set new goals or perhaps we'd rehash the old goals that we did not yet achieve. That's fine, even great. At least we started to think ahead and plan what it is that we want, and we hopefully set them as goals and not mere wishes.

At this point, I take it that many of you have undergone such a ceremony. Now, it is vitally important for you to realize that for you to be successful in your pursuit of your goals, whatever they may be, and for you to actually achieve those goals or aspirations and live the life of your dreams, you cannot afford the comfort of being unconfident.

To have anything that you want and to become the person that you want to become, you have to rise above your limitations and gradually increase the level of your self-confidence. Lacking confidence in any area of your life is a stumbling block that you have to burst through or climb over. Or, at least, challenge your unconfident areas one by one and step by step.

Decide now that you are willing to move beyond the restrictions that you have in your life. Leave 2007 behind and don't glance back. Make a list of what you want to achieve this year, and take the necessary action to increase your confidence level to accomplish what it is that your desire.

You can overcome the lack of confidence step by step, one day at a time. For example, if you are lacking confidence in social functions, make it your weekly or bi-weekly goal to attend small social events, even at your local pub or club. Pluck up the confidence and courage to introduce yourself to any person you feel you might be comfortable with. Try it out. If that seems too much for you, stand in a strategic place where there's lots of traffic. It won't be long before someone strikes up a conversation with you.

Building on your confidence is just like anything else in the world. It takes practice and repetition. Consistently make an effort to increase your confidence. The beauty is, any confidence that you build on in one area tends to overflow and increase your confidence in another area.

As you gradually increase your confidence, you become more comfortable in many new situations that you may encounter. Confidence builds on itself and spreads to various areas. Make use of that. And before you know it, you will graduate to having a high level of confidence.

Hani Al-Qasem is the co-author of "Self-Confidence Building in 7 Steps." He is proud and passionate about his dream and vision to help inspire, motivate and support adults and children, of all ages, to be the best that they can be in all areas of their lives. His life ambition is to reach and encourage 7 million, or more, people to reach their true potential. Discover how you, too, can benefit and improve on any area of your life by reading and applying the learnings in his e-book. To get your free condensed sample chapters, which can be immediately downloaded, visit: http://www.free-self-confidence.com You can also take your personal and professional life to a higher level through his MP3 True Thoughts affirmation downloads at http://www.insight4you.com

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Is it Possible to Retrain Your Brain and Improve Self Confidence?

By

There are lots of techniques and products that claim to be able to retrain your brain and improve self-confidence. But is there any clear evidence that it is possible to affect your subconscious and fundamentally change the way you feel about yourself?

I've been a personal development coach for pretty long time now, so I've obviously come into contact with many people desiring to make changes in their life. And one of the most common and fundamental changes a person can make is to improve their self-confidence.

One technique that claims to be able to improve self-confidence is affirmations. Affirmations are probably the easiest of all personal development techniques to employ. They simply require you to repeat -- or affirm -- positive statements to yourself. Research has shown that when used on a daily basis, affirmations can have some effect on self-confidence. However, this technique can take a very long time to show results, and in many cases, those results can be minimal.

Another technique to retrain your brain for increased self-confidence is to use self hypnosis. Hypnosis bypasses the critical conscious mind, to present commands or "suggestions" to the subconscious mind. Research on hypnosis suggests that approximately 55 to 60% of all individuals can be hypnotized, so while this technique can be useful to many people, it is by no means a fool-proof solution.

Self hypnosis in particular is difficult to assess as a meaningful way to improve self-confidence. Again, research suggest that self hypnosis can be useful for a wide range of issues, including calming fears and anxieties, and building greater self-esteem and confidence, though again, not everyone is likely to benefit from this technique.

Still another method of "mental reprogramming" is the use of subliminal suggestions. While there is much controversy about the effectiveness of subliminal commands and suggestions, several recent studies indicate that subliminal messages are both registered and understood by the subconscious mind.

The University of Bethlehem in Israel recently conducted subliminal research wherein participants were randomly shown subliminal images of either the Israeli or Palestine flag. The results of this research clearly indicate that subjects who had been exposed to the subliminal flag images altered their political points of view depending on which flag was used.

Follow-up research suggested that being shown the subliminal flag image could even cause the participants to change their voting behavior in the Israeli general election. This and other similar studies suggest that, not only are subliminal suggestions and symbols clearly understood, but they also have the power to change both attitude and behavior. While more research is necessary, the current studies suggest there is the potential to "retrain" states of mind and behavior through the use of subliminal suggestions and symbology.

Finally, one increasingly popular method to improve confidence is to use a "Gestalt" approach, which incorporates all of the above techniques and more in an attempt to "overwhelm" the subconscious mind with a deluge of new information. While there is little formal research on the effectiveness of this "all-inclusive" method of retraining the human brain, anecdotal evidence suggests that this may likely be the best approach.

The "Gestalt" method of overwhelming the subconscious mind is actually quite similar to brainwashing. The only difference being that the individual is in control of the process, and is basically attempting to brainwash themselves.

Overall, there isn't enough empirical evidence to say with certainty how effective any of these methods may be to improve self confidence, though it stands to reason that using a multi-faceted approach to "retrain your brain" is likely to produce the best results.
About the Author: Retrain your brain for confidence and success! Improve Self Confidence with "Positive Brainwashing"

20 Ways To Increase Your Confidence Today!

By Dj Frost

20 quick and practical methods to increase your confidence, here we go:

1. Think about someone who is confident and act, talk and walk like him or her. Model their mannerisms and behavior. It works for them; it will work for you.

2. Smile a lot more. That doesn't mean putting a silly grin on your face! But smile when you walk down the street, when you meet people and generally be happier even if you're not feeling that way.

3. Learn from the past; don't beat yourself up about it. It's gone; it's never coming back. Instead learn from it for next time.

4. Buy yourself some new clothes, get your hair done, and treat yourself to something new. It will make you feel better and will give your ego a boost.

5. Are you prepared for situations? Are you prepared enough to meet any challenge that may come up? Are you prepared for that meeting, that presentation, that job interview, when you meet someone for the first time? If not, prepare now.

6. Play to your strengths. Know what you are good at and expose yourself to these opportunities at every opportunity because you're good at it, you'll enjoy it and have more confidence.

7. Improve your weaknesses. Know and appreciate what these are and put a plan in place to improve them over time.

8. Learn how to say no to people. Don't be afraid, you've got nothing to be afraid of. Just watch the reaction on their face after you've said it the first time and there will be no going back.

9. Be positive. Look on the "can do" side of things rather than the "can't do". You've accomplished lots in your life and you will accomplish lots more in the future.

10. Be in charge of your thoughts at all times. What is a thought? It's just a question that you've asked yourself and the thought is your answer. If you're thinking negative thoughts, you're probably asking a negative question. Change the questions to be more positive.

11. Whenever you feel a negative thought coming: STOP, THINK and ASK "Is this really important in the grand scheme of things?' A lot of the time it isn't. Many people in life major in minor things!

12. Do you let the words of others affect you? Do you mind what they think of you? Remember that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. It's not what they say to you that's the problem it's what you say to yourself after they have stopped talking that's the problem. Change the way you think.

13. List the words that you use on a consistent basis when you feel let down or annoyed. People use different words to mean the same thing and depending upon the intensity of the word  this will have an effect on your confidence. Instead of saying "I'm enraged about this" say, "I'm a little annoyed". Make a substitute list for the words that you use. Make sure they are lower in intensity and then use them. You'll be surprised with the results.

14. At the end of each day list your achievements and successes throughout that day.

15. Be appreciative of what you have to be thankful for in your life right now. Who do you love? Who loves you? Who do you help out?

16. Every morning when you're in the shower, play over in your head the events in the day as though they have already happened and they were a success. Visualize all of the meetings that you had, the people you talked to, the outcomes you had. Visualize success and confidence and it will be so.

17. Improve your body language. The way that you move your body has a massive impact on your confidence levels. Move your body assertively and walk with your head up, shoulders back and as though you've got somewhere very important to go. Feeling low in confidence? Change you body language

18. Emotion is created by motion. As in 17, make sure you move around consistently. This creates energy and gets the blood pumping around you body it makes you feel better and more confident.

19. Learn to brag about yourself. Yes, you heard me! Talk about your achievements and successes more than you currently are.

20. And finally - You only live once, so any time that you are down just ask yourself in 10 or 20 years time - will what I am worrying about really matter?

D.J. is Healing Arts Business Growth Specialists helping holistic practitioners grow their businesses. To get their FREE eCourse: 7 Critical Skills to Attract More Money, More Clients and a Soul-Satisfying Lifestyle, visit their site at http://www.ProPowerNow.com

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