Self Confidence and Esteem - 5 Crucial Steps

By Arran Pullen

Loving and accepting ourselves is critical in experiencing joy, happiness, and success in life.

When you really love yourself and you really love other people, you find that life flows, and no matter what happens you always find a way to enjoy yourself and feel fulfilled.

You MUST love yourself completely.

This determines your STANDARDS for what you are willing to accept or settle for and;

· How much money you feel you deserve to earn or feel you can make

· How well you treat your body and your health

· Your belief in whether you can achieve your goals

· How much others respect you and how they treat you

· Whether people like you and want to be around you.

People love being around confident people. They radiate a positive energy. You feel safe around them.

People who lack in confidence often get 'stuck'. So you see, your entire destiny is shaped by your degree of confidence.

So how is it we end up with low self esteem or lacking in confidence?

The answer is we choose to.

You choose to believe you 'can't do this' or 'I am not good enough to have that'.

If the parent of a child suffers from low self esteem and lack in confidence, it is very likely the child will grow up with the same behaviour patterns because they have learnt from them. Some may say 'but I always tell my child how great they are and show them we love them'. The thing is, it's like when you tell a child not to smoke when you are a chain smoker.

As a child we learn from making mistakes but years and years of reprimanding and verbal /physical abuse can also lead to low confidence and esteem. A parents attempt to control a child's behavour through physical punishment can also lead to the child growing up fearful of trying something new, just in case it is a mistake.

Your beliefs are established at a young age, where we try to avoid being rejected by our friends or told off by our peers. When young children begin to think 'there's something wrong with me' because they are exploring and making mistakes and being constantly reprimanded the first beliefs begin to take shape.

The truth is, despite what magazines, and T.V try to say (in making you like every one else) you can be individual and self confident. You can learn to live life with a passion and fulfill your dreams.

Before you can change things you need to be aware of what things in your life you want to change and what you no longer wish to put up with. Make a pact with yourself and begin by following these steps, so that when you take control of your life anything is within your reach.

Self Analysis

Take 1/2hour out of your day and complete this exercise.

Buy a notebook and:

· Write down everything you are not happy with.

· Write down how you can change this.

· Write down specifically everything you want in your life(goals)

· What situations make you feel the most angry and frustrated

· What do you fear most in your life today? What would it mean if this came true?

· List 5 fears you hold currently hold.

Finish these sentences

'I like myself least when I ..........

'I like myself most when I..........

Now Take Responsibility

Do you have a problem?... Go on face up to it head on and admit you have it.

Like it or not, what ever exists in your life, the good, the bad and the ugly is there because of you. FACT

Through your beliefs, thoughts, choices and actions the situation has come about. (Please never feel like a victim: it is disempowering and will not serve you well) Blaming someone else or relying on them to change their behaviour takes control out of your hands. And where do we want it...yes that right in yours hands.

The good news is... because you made the situation you can get shot of it as well.

When you take responsibility (your choice) and resolve an issue, you also raise your self esteem and confidence. Take one step at a time and gradually move ahead with the things you want to change. Instead of spending 80% of your time focusing on the problem, turn it around and focus 80% on the solution and 20% of the time on the challenge (problem).

Forget the past and focus on the future.

I know it sounds corny but don't wallow in the guilt or pain of yesterday/year. You can't change it; all you can do is admit it and take responsibility for it. Once you've done that leave it there because it no longer serves you anymore. To stop holding on to the past try this exercise and remember that when doing something that hurts you, is often the point if when you're growing the most.

How to lose your dirty laundry:

· Write down 5 reasons you behaved as you did. Understanding ourselves prevents us repeating the action.

· If you hurt someone and you can still talk to them, acknowledge your behaviour and the consequences of your actions.(take action and feel your self respect grow)

· Take action to minimize the harm you caused to them. Tell the truth to yourself.

· Write down who has wronged you in the past

· Write down with whom you need to 'finalize' with. Make a list

· Write down who you have wronged in the past

· Write them a letter. Tell them how you feel about it now and what was going on in your life at the time.

I know it sounds a really tough job to do, but isn't it better to finish this guilt and self limiting thoughts once and for all?

You will see finalizing the past will give you a massive sense of pride and power.You have empowered your LIFE!! The bags you have been carrying from one relationship/situation to another have been laid down!

Move on, FORGIVE yourself. Forgiveness is the key which will help us be happy and content in life. Forgive the past and embrace the future, where you can make a difference.

Only you can decide if you are ready to change, though please remember we come this way but once and...

"The only failure in life is the failure to participate".

Arran Pullen http://www.coaching4change.co.uk I provide an expert coaching service specializing in personal and career changes. Explore what is holding you back from embracing change and develop techniques that will serve you in building stronger relationships and confidence.Visit the above link and find out more about my complimentary taster coaching sessions or download my Free Report on 'How to supercharge your business'

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