What is Self-Confidence?

By Julia Barnard

‘If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.’ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Confidence is about believing in yourself, giving you the courage to go for your goals. As such, assertiveness is a valuable component of a self-confident person. To reach your goals you need to be able to go for what you want. Tied in with this is having an optimistic outlook. Self-confidence is also about liking yourself and being able to take personal responsibility. Furthermore, having confidence is not about belittling or treading on the needs of others. It is a sure sign of a confident person that they are able to see the good in other people, and support and encourage them without feeling jealous or defensive.

Consider each of these elements and perhaps work on those aspects you feel you have most difficulties with. Without self-confidence, life becomes that much tougher.

Believing in yourself

With confidence, you believe you can succeed. You create goals which you expect to achieve. By believing in yourself it empowers you to relish a challenge and puts you in a position where you can cope with situations. Such self-support is very empowering and motivating. You cannot always rely on other people to say the right things, so self-belief is vital.

Assertiveness

Assertiveness is about being able to stand up for what you believe in. You are able to stand by your decision without giving in to others at the slightest hint that things may get awkward. If you can assert your needs, you will have reduced stress, as you will not feel disappointed in yourself. You will be able to enjoy life, knowing you are taking an active role in it.

Optimistic about the future

Confident people are able to recognise that when bad things happen there is a way out. Just because life isn’t so great right now, does not mean it always will be. Difficulties are regarded as challenges to be overcome. With confidence, a person is able to get up again and keep trying, rather than just giving up. With an optimistic outlook a person is able to accept and embrace the good things that happen. They do not put it down to luck or expect them to be fleeting.

Liking yourself

You really should like yourself. An important ingredient for self-confidence is the realisation of how valuable a person you are. Try to be reasonable with and fair to yourself. Sometimes we treat ourselves worse than our biggest enemy. As such, you should be able to forgive yourself. If things go wrong, it is not the end of the world. Focus on your actions, rather than let it undermine who you are.

Personal responsibility

Having confidence enables you to take responsibility for your life. You are able to recognise how much you are in charge of your thoughts and actions. You do not need to blame others when things go wrong. Instead you are able to dust yourself down and get on with things. Furthermore, you are not bound up with the past and use it as a reason for inaction in your present. Taking responsibility also allows you to recognise your achievements as yours, rather than attributing them to luck or the actions of other people.

Other people

With confidence you feel good enough about yourself that you are able to see the good in others. You do not feel the need to put other people down and try to undermine them. Instead you are able to support them and celebrate their achievements, without envy or comparison with yourself.

To boost your confidence, you want positive people in your life. Those that make you feel good about yourself. Although most of the work comes from within, you want friends that appreciate you rather than are disparaging you all the time.

Copyright Julia Barnard 2007

Julia Barnard is a professional counsellor living in Adelaide, Australia. She provides an online counselling service through her website http://www.makethechange.com.au. Julia also writes articles for the website aimed at enhancing wellbeing and promoting good mental health.

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